The Puddle Gulch Post Accused of Ableism

Note from editor:  I don’t get paid enough to take the caps out of this post.  Mrs. Frith will be offered free technical support from Carl’s Computer Help to resolve her caps issue.

DEAR EDITOR,
 
MY NAME IS FERN FRITH.  PLEASE EXCUSE MY WRITING IN ALL CAPS.  I DO NOT INTEND TO APPEAR TO BE SHOUTING OR TO BE ANGRY.  UNFORTUNATELY, THE KEY ON MY COMPUTER WHICH ALLOWS ME TO WRITE IN CAPS OR LOWER CASE IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY.  IT IS STUCK ON ALL CAPS.
 
I AM WRITING BECAUSE OF SOME CONSTERNATION I AM FEELING DUE TO YOUR TREATMENT OF MY HUSBAND, FRED FRITH.  FRED, UNFORTUNATELY, IS THE VICTIM OF A LITTLE KNOWN DISABILITY BY THE NAME OF UFA, OR UNFORTUNATE SPELLATION ANXIETY.  IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR FRED TO SPELL CORRECTLY.  TO ADD TO HIS TROUBLES, FRED ALSO HAS MMS, OR MIXED METAPHORS SYNDROME, AS SEEN IN HIS SAYING, ‘DON’T TAKE ANY WOODEN PICKLES.’  OR, AS FRED WRITES IT, ‘DUNT TAKE ENY WOODEN PICKELS.’  
 
WE HAVE RECENTLY MOVED TO PUDDLEGULCH, OR ‘PULLYGUT’ AS FRED CALLS IT.  FRED, BEING A VERY CIVIC MINDED PERSON, DECIDED TO WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR NEWSPAPER. EXPRESSING HOW HE IS ‘QUOKING WITH EXSITMENT AT THE PURSPICT OF LEAVING IN…..YURE LUVLY CITY, PULLYGUT.’ HE WAS DEVASTATED WHEN HE WAS TOLD THAT HIS LETTER WOULD NOT BE PRINTED.  AND WAS VERITABLY LEFT IN RUINS WHEN HE HEARD THAT THE REASON WAS DUE TO HIS INABILITY TO SPELL CORRECTLY.
 
FRED AND I ARE VERY FRIENDLY PEOPLE.  WE HAVE REACHED OUT TO THE PEOPLE OF PUDDLEGULCH. WE HAVE ALREADY FOUND A CHURCH HOME AS WE WERE THRILLED TO DISCOVER THAT PUDDLEGULCH HAS A PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH.  WE ARE LIFELONG PRESBYTERIANS.  IN FACT, WITH NO ENCOURAGEMENT FROM FRED OR ME, THE SESSION OF THAT CHURCH HAS HAD A DISCUSSION OF HOW IMPROPER IT IS FOR THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER TO BEHAVE THIS WAY TOWARD A PERSON WHO HAS THE DISABILITIES, UFA AND MMS, THAT FRED HAS.
 
I HOPE THAT YOU WILL RECONSIDER YOUR DECISION TO NOT PUBLISH FRED’S HEARTFELT LETTER WHICH HE RECENTLY SENT TO YOUR NEWSPAPER.
 
SINCERLY YOURS,
 
FERN FANNIE FRITH
DAR  

Author: davidwburns

I like to write. I have a job. This is a flash bio.

3 thoughts on “The Puddle Gulch Post Accused of Ableism”

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