The old Puddlegulch library was standing room only last night. Mayor Townsend banged the gavel for a full two minutes to call the assembly to order.
The first order of business was a song-by-song vote of the “Turn Up the Heat” Puddlegulch High Winter Dance playlist. Several songs were highly contested; “Taste and See” was hotly debated until it was discovered that it was a Christian rock song based on the scripture “Taste and see that the Lord is good.” Other controversies centered around “Pet My Monkey,” “Rock and Twirl,” and “Take My Love from Behind” (full lyric “Take my love from behind the curtains of my sorrow”).
Only one song was rejected. Although it received high marks for being based on a Charles Wesley hymn tune and its keeping with the theme of the dance, “Lick My Heat Pump” was voted down.
The next item, a motion to designate the official sixpie recipe, was withdrawn without a vote because of the Ladies’ Historical Society’s compelling case that what the modern Puddlegulchian knew as a sixpie (Puddle Possum Pot Pie with Persimmon Pudding) was really a product of many years of evolution from a recipe which was never actually recorded; therefore, an “official” recipe could not be designated.
Reverend Alderman of The Second Resurrection Holiness Church insisted on adding to the record his objection to the term “evolution” in regard to pot pies and other savory pastries.
The item, however, which drew the mighty crowds of concerned Puddlegulchians was regarding the continued inclusion of the opossum in the city’s Live Holiday Baby Barn display, formerly known as Live Nativity.
Many on the religious right argued that they should be afforded at least one accuracy of what they continued to insist was a representation of the birth of Jesus, citing that there were no mentions of any type of marsupial in scripture.
Clive Bartlett of the Puddlegulch Atheist and Bowling Society argued that because this was no longer a Nativity, there was no measure of accuracy.
But the argument which won the day came from Dr. Archibald Rogers, member of the Douglas Presbyterian Church and leading expert on the second smallest country in the world, Tuvalu, who eloquently said: “The humblest of births should be honored with the humblest of creatures; a creature who appears to model itself from the example of one’s savior of choice by laying down its own life.”
At 1:35 am, the motion to keep the opossum in the display was approved, and the meeting was adjourned.