The Puddlegulch Post extends its sincere apology for any appearance of ableism toward our Puddlegulch newcomer, Fred Frith. UFA (Unfortunate Spellation Anxiety) and MMS (Mixed Metaphors Syndrome) are serious conditions that affect thousands of Americans each day who, although can spell very well, get too anxious to do so . We thank the passion of Dr. Archibald Rogers, acclaimed expert on the second smallest country in the world, for helping us see our error. We gladly print this congenial letter from Fred Frith. Welcome to our community, Fred and Fern.
Gordon Geary, Editor in Chief
My name is Fred Frith. My wife and sweathurt, Fern, have rizenly muved to yure luvly city, Pullygut. We are quoking with exsitment at the purspict of leaving in your fairy city, Pullygut. We left our home stade, Oglahomer, a munth ago and have been wundering aboot luukking for a newd place to sittle in. And we theenk Pullygut is difinitly the placed.
We have nuttisd that your town has a muscot. We herd your muscot is a pussum. Is a pussum an enemal? If soe, wut kind of enemal is it? We would rilly luv to meet such an enemal. We had cowz and hurses on our furm in Oglahomer. But niver hurd of a pussum. Hopping it does nut bite. Ha, ha?!
Well, Mr. Editurd. We are luking forwerd to our daze in Pullygut. Buy the way, Fern and I dunt have much munny. So we mite nut be abel to affurd yore noozpooper. Can we just come to yure urfice now and thin and you can tell us the latist nooz. And maybe we cud thin meet that pussum.
Have a gud day to you. And dunt take eny wooden pickels! Ha, Ha??!!