Gordan Geary, Editor in Chief – At 11:55 pm last night, a local teen was fooling around with the filters on her telephone camera and snapped this image in the alley behind the Bowlarama. [Note from writer: My pencil broke before I was about to speak to her, but I believe I understand millennials well enough to remember it just as it was relayed to me.]
“I was like looking at my phone as I walked or whatever,” said 16-year-old Chloe Crumbpacker, granddaughter of local property mogal Horace P. Crumbpacker, “getting ready to test the black and white filter of my telephone for my new, old-looking picture on Instant gram, and when I looked up to take the shot, he was like right there. I thought he might say something to make me feel uncomfortable or unsafe, but he didn’t say anything. He just kept smoking his boomer Jewel cigarette thingy. I took the shot and ran back to my antique bicycle before he could #meetoo me. I was so scared. I didn’t post the picture until I was like 2 blocks away.”
There is some speculation that this could be the same man in this security cam photo captured outside of Dale’s Discount General, but it cannot be confirmed.
When asked why she was in the alley so late, Chloe said, “Puddlegulch is becoming a really unsafe place and I wanted to give the boomers some proof.”
Any tips leading to the discovery of this man’s identify or purpose for being in Puddlegulch will be rewarded with a full set of phillips head screwdrivers from Dale’s Discount General, because those things have a way of disappearing leaving only a box full of flat heads; at least in this reporter’s house. (and The Puddlegulch Post will throw in a pair of cow-hide work gloves to anyone who can explain why a 16-year-old would rather ride a bike in 37 degree weather at night than get their driver’s license. I was in line at the DMV before it even opened on my 16th birthday)