Self-proclaimed neighborhood watch “sheriff” arrested

Bob’s costume is available at

Gordon Geary, Editor in Chief and sometimes reporter – Bob Feltcher was arrested this week for drunk and disorderly conduct, indecent exposure, and disturbing the peace during a town council meeting.

Complaints of his unauthorized supervision of Puddlegulch residents have been brought to the council for years, but the council has dismissed the complaints with the philosophy of “what harm is he doing anyone?” as Councilman Joe Grouse had said at a July 2014 council meeting.

However, the council’s hand was forced after an incident in which Feltcher tried to extort an apple betty from Elsie Higgenbotham in exchange for “protection.”

When the issue of Bob and his unauthorized post of sheriff the (non-existent) neighborhood watch came to the floor. 

“Bob stormed into the hall stinking of roadhouse whiskey and blurting out something about the whole court being out of order,” said Elsie’s daughter Jenny Hingenbotham, the bespectacled maiden Puddlegulch librarian.

She went on to describe how he grabbed the floor mic and gave an emotional speech about how he had “given his heart and soul to a community which never gave a two sh**s about his service.” He then dropped his pants and underwear and mooned the 75 citizens gathered for the meeting.  In so doing, he passed gas violently.

Deputy Barnes, who was standing guard, tackled Feltcher and arrested him on the spot.

Bob was released on $500 bail by his brother Floyd Feltcher of Feltcher’s Butcher Shop.

Bob will stand trial next month and has been banned from patrolling the neighborhoods of Puddlegulch for life.

Author: David Wilson-Burns

I like to write. I have a job. This is a flash bio.

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