Let Sleeping Possums Lie

Gordan Geary, Editor in Chief – Many concerned parents gathered at the town square to protest the “gruesome display of violence” at the approaching annual Possum Day celebration but let’s not forget that this town would not exist if it weren’t for gruesome displays of death none of which were actually violent.

In my youth, when I was elected Possum King of Puddlegulch High, I took an oath before the school and Perry the Possum to uphold the history and integrity of our proud, but not-too-proud-to-play-dead, Puddlegulch.  There is a time for discretion. There is a time for censorship to protect the young and innocent, but Possum Day is not one of them.

Our forefathers sacrificed the dignity of this town and everyone who lives here to make a future for their children and for us living today in Puddlegulch.  The town motto says it all: “We laid down our lives to save our lives.”

Parents of Puddlegulch, your children must know where they came from. They must feel what it means to pretend to be dead before the enemy. Plus, they love it. It’s fun. Kids come up to me on the street and say “Mr. Geary? How are you going to die this year?” When I tell them that I’m going to be slashed in the throat, they laugh in good cheer! It is a time for goodwill among all of us Opossums (yes, it is o-possums).

This year, I implore you, concerned parents, to let our tradition continue not just for the sake of this town, but for the sake of the contorted faces of death our children will delight in as we celebrate the 150th anniversary of Possum Day.