The Puddlegulch Post extends its sincere apology for any appearance of ableism toward our Puddlegulch newcomer, Fred Frith. UFA (Unfortunate Spellation Anxiety) and MMS (Mixed Metaphors Syndrome) are serious conditions that affect thousands of Americans each day who, although can spell very well, get too anxious to do so. We thank the passion of Dr. Archibald Rogers, acclaimed expert on the second smallest country in the world, for helping us see our error. We gladly print this congenial letter from Fred Frith. Welcome to our community, Fred and Fern!
Gordon Geary, Editor in Chief
Dear Esteemed Editor, I write in protest, dear sir. In protest of the outrageous treatment of one of our local citizens, a Mr. Fred Frith. Mr. Frith, along with his wife Mrs. Fern Frith, has recently begun attending the Douglas Gulch Presbyterian Church, a church of which my family were charter members in a town of which my forebears were among the founders. We have recently discussed, at length, the decision of your newspaper to not print Mr. Frith’s very congenial letter due to his many misspellings. read more
The Puddlgulch Post Accused of Ableism
Note from editor: I don’t get paid enough to take the caps out of this post. Mrs. Frith will be offered free technical support from Carl’s Computer Help to resolve her caps issue. DEAR EDITOR, MY NAME IS FERN FRITH. PLEASE EXCUSE MY WRITING IN ALL CAPS. I DO NOT INTEND TO APPEAR TO BE SHOUTING OR TO BE ANGRY. UNFORTUNATELY, THE KEY ON MY COMPUTER WHICH ALLOWS ME TO WRITE IN CAPS OR LOWER CASE IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY. IT IS STUCK ON ALL CAPS. I AM WRITING BECAUSE OF SOME CONSTERNATION I AM FEELING DUE TO YOUR TREATMENT OF MY HUSBAND, FRED FRITH. FRED, UNFORTUNATELY, IS THE VICTIM OF A LITTLE KNOWN DISABILITY BY THE NAME OF UFA, OR UNFORTUNATE SPELLATION ANXIETY. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR FRED TO SPELL CORRECTLY. TO ADD TO HIS TROUBLES, FRED ALSO HAS MMS, OR MIXED METAPHORS SYNDROME, AS SEEN IN HIS SAYING, ‘DON’T TAKE ANY WOODEN PICKLES.’ OR, AS FRED WRITES IT, ‘DUNT TAKE ENY WOODEN PICKELS.’ read more
Dear Puddlegulch Post Editor,
There comes a time when a man has got to stand up for what he believes in and that moment was when Elsie Hightower’s brown betty was used for ill-gotten gains with our dear Mayor Townsend. That’s right ILL-GOTTEN GAINS.
When I was taking my morning walk down Possum Hollow Road toward town I passed by Elsie’s house and I could smell her betty. At first, I thought, Well then, what a nice day for Miss Elsie’s betty, but I saw something unusual. I saw Gregory Fiddlestone carrying it out to his shiny Lincoln with a pair of his wife’s gingham oven mitts.
I knew exactly where he was going. He’s been wanting that stop sign up ever since he was dumb enough not to yield to Danny Weedlemeyer’s pickup on Possum Hollow and Main. And we all know what will happen when he gets it. Traffic is going to pool there. 10-15 cars drive through that intersection just at lunch. Can you imagine what it’s going to do to our traffic flow in the morning and afternoon rush hours?
I followed him right up the street and seen him walk into city hall. He came out in ten minutes with the mitts tucked under his arm and the next day he had his stop sign.
This was struck down at the last city council meeting. This was settled law! We are in a constitutional crisis here!
That story needs to be running on your front page, Gordon! People need to know that WE WILL NOT tolerate corruption in the mayor’s office anymore.
PJ Portermont, Citizen and Driver