Gordan Geary, Editor in Chief – At 11:55 pm last night, a local teen was fooling around with the filters on her telephone camera and snapped this image in the alley behind the Bowlarama. [Note from writer: My pencil broke before I was about to speak to her, but I believe I understand millennials well enough to remember it just as it was relayed to me.]
“I was like looking at my phone as I walked or whatever,” said 16-year-old Chloe Crumbpacker, granddaughter of local property mogal Horace P. Crumbpacker, “getting ready to test the black and white filter of my telephone for my new, old-looking picture on Instant gram, and when I looked up to take the shot, he was like right there. I thought he might say something to make me feel uncomfortable or unsafe, but he didn’t say anything. He just kept smoking his boomer Jewel cigarette thingy. I took the shot and ran back to my antique bicycle before he could #meetoo me. I was so scared. I didn’t post the picture until I was like 2 blocks away.”
